I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
