I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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