I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
