What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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