Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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