I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
