Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
