I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
