i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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