A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
