Cold hands, warm shart.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
sex in a hospital.. check
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
