Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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