found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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