what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
