He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
