i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
