Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
