You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
