If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
