I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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