i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
