I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
