I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
