What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
