I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
