i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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