Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
They are going to name an STD after you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
