the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
