we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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