i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
