I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
