I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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