Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
