if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
