dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
