Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
