3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
