Your face is a jimmy john
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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