and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
