I am spending my child support on dildos
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't deserve a penis
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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