Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
