I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
