dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
