you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
