I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
