I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
