did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
