Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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