eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
