apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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