the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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