I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
